The Goat

Putting our bro-deal on the line to bring you the honest gear truth.

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Olympics using Dry Ice on Cypress Mountain to Prevent Melting Snow

Each mogul on the Olympic course will contain a black tube stuffed with dry ice. The technique has never been used before, and the Olympic organizers are hoping it will keep the course cold while fans lining it dance around in their Winter Olympics tank tops. One of the few things I’ve gleaned while incorporating chunks of dry ice into cocktails is that if the stuff is stuck in a sealed container, it will eventually explode. The Moguls has the potential to be the most exciting event at the Winter Games.

By
Rocky Thompson

Colorado Local’s Shortcut Strands Indiana Man for 3 Days

A 31-year-old man from Indiana spent three days drinking Mountain Dew in his Lincoln Navigator after trying to take a shortcut that left him stranded. He said he took a shortcut through Rio Grande National Forest after a local told him it would cut some time off his drive to Aspen. After running out of gas from running his heater, he hiked 7 miles in the snow to a road where he flagged down a passing driver. Man, those locals love to run practical jokes on all the Midwestern tourists coming through town.

By
Rocky Thompson

Utah Skier Suffers Four Compound Fractures in Avalanche

A 43-year-old skier was choppered out of the backcountry yesterday after his two skiing partners helped extract him from a slide. The man suffered two broken femurs that punched through the skin in his legs as well as a few broken ribs and two other bone breaks that pierced the skin of his legs. Authorities said he would have bled to death if the weather had prevented them from safely bringing in a helicopter.

By
Rocky Thompson

Bark Beetles could be Stopped by in-Tree Stereos

The cold weather the Mountain West needs to kill off Bark Beetles hasn’t arrived. So far 33 million acres of forest in British Columbia and millions more in the U.S. have been infested by the tree-destroying pests. New research suggests that by tweaking recordings of the sounds bark beetles make and then playing the sound back to them will disturb mating, tunneling, and reproduction. The process would involve installing a $100 device into each tree that would bump the tunes under the tree’s bark. The sounds could make female bark beetles move towards the speakers or even cause the beetles to turn on each other. It sounds suspiciously like the plan Brewmeister Smith tried to enact in Strange Brew (which was loosely based on Hamlet). Smith could make the hockey players from the loony bin fight by playing certain notes on his keyboard after the players drank his spiked beer. Whether or not these researchers stole their idea from The Great White North isn’t important; we just need to know if this will work.

via Cold Splinters

By
Rocky Thompson

Robust Opposition Planned for the Vancouver Olympics

Turns out the Olympics and big money have something of a relationship. Maybe it’s always been that way. Those early Grecian wrestlers probably had to compete nude so that their bodies could be covered with temporary tattoos for gambling websites. The 2002 Winter Olympics were roiled in a bribery controversy, but so far all these big sponsors and commercialization have taken a backseat to things like ‘human rights’ and ‘environmentalism.’ Not anymore. The Vancouver Olympics will be the site of the largest ever backlash to the games’ corporate culture. Canadian authorities have indicated that they’ll give a lot of leeway to the peaceful protestors. So far, a lot of the small protest groups have joined up under the umbrella of the OlympicResitance.net.

via Wend

By
Rocky Thompson