Backpacker.com’s ‘Ask a Bear‘ feature lets readers e-mail in questions that a ‘Bear’ will answer. I, of course, assumed that Backpacker used the term ‘Bear’ as it’s used in gay culture-basically to describe a large, hairy man. As such, I didn’t think that simply being a large, hairy man necessarily qualified a person to offer advice on encounters with wildlife, but yesterday’s story intrigued me enough to click on it.

Is it safe to camp in bear country when you are a breastfeeding mom?

The answer is ‘yes,’ because as long as the food is in your body, the bears won’t be able to smell it. That’s why I always carry a balloon full of condensed split pea soup in my stomach that I vomit up and mix with water at mealtimes. Mmm, split pea and breast milk.

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