A hiker in Ontario called police after hearing shots whiz past his head while running his dog through the woods at 2am. He looked in the direction where the shots were coming from and saw two people with a rifle. He made his way back to the trailhead and reached police who promptly arrived and surrounded the house. Eight hours later two kids came out with a paintball gun. It would have taken 30 hours if they’d had a real gun. The Canadian police were armed with Airsoft guns. You can’t really get away with stuff like this anymore in the cell phone era. It’s just like how caller ID ruined playing Tecmo Bowl while prank calling friends. Also, shoot high end cars and not hikers. What’s wrong with teenagers these days?

A 16-year-old girl is trying to become the youngest person to sail solo, nonstop and unassisted around the world. Two guys completed the trip last summer at the age of 17. You can read 16-year-old Jessica Watson’s blog about her trip here, and it might be the only time that you can read a 16-year-old girl’s blog without being considered a monster by your friends and family. It’s a 23k mile trip and she’s averaging about 100 miles per day. She’s not allowed to get off the boat, have anyone join her on the boat, or take on any resupplies if she wants the record. Her blog is pretty interesting and she’s actually a really talented writer, especially for taking a year off school to sail around the world.

A pilot program that seeks to stimulate the economy while providing jobs for the unemployed and eliminating gophers will pay bounty hunters $1 for every rodent killed.

Commissioners say they’re banking on seeing unemployed residents “gather up some gopher traps.”

Don’t bank on it too much. At a dollar per gopher tail, you’d have to catch a hell of a lot over the course of a workday to meet minimum wage. I suppose sitting at a gopher trap all day beats taking a job at Wendy’s. Well, at least they have the same health insurance program.

NPS officials announced a two-year plan that will allow 318 snowmobiles and 78 snow coaches per day into Yellowstone National Park. I have no idea what a ‘snow coach’ is, but I imagine it’s some kind of bus-sized snowmobile; sounds like a good time, I wonder if you can drink on them. Over the past three winters, Yellowstone averages 266 snowmobiles per day and peaked at 557 snowmobiles on their busiest day.

Wyoming politicians criticized the plan for keeping Americans out of their own parks while environmentalist criticized the plan for not protecting Americans’ resources from motorized vehicles. This is one of those issues where you can clearly see both sides’ points, and if you can’t, well, then you’re a moron. I have little patience for the bombastic garbage that comes out of the hardliner’s mouths on either side of this issue. I know which side I fall on, but it has nothing to do with the time I crashed a snowmobile into a tree. Hell, the same issue is coming up with mountain bike access to trails in National Parks now. This 318 sounds like a decent number. It’ll get people who want to snowmobile into the park on weekdays and keep their numbers in check on weekends and holidays. You have to meet in the middle at some point.

The superintendent of the 6,000 acre Gettysburg Battlefield National Park stepped down yesterday citing ‘public scrutiny’ after a Washington Post article about an investigation that ignored his work/porn habit. The man had tens of thousands of inappropriate images on his work computer. People are a little weirded out, but according to this Gettysburg Times article (a bit of bias, maybe?) everyone agrees he did a great job. He established a nonprofit that worked closely with the park and raised over $100 million in donations for renovations.

This guy killed it at his job, and he still had time to surf the web and download tens of thousands of porn images to his computer? And the crazier part, he was getting paid $145,000 a year. It’s an NPS job! I thought those guys all made about $20k a year, max. So here’s a guy with loads of free time at work, he’s making $141k a year, and he has enough time outside his porn habit to do a great job at work? Has his vacancy been filled yet?

It gets weirder when you hear that he didn’t even get fired. The NPS looked the other way on the porn and they’re letting him get reassigned to a desk job. How was his last job not a desk job? Did he spend part of the day driving around making sure people had used the self-pay box for their campsites?

You remember those flying water tubes you could pull behind powerful ski boats that were a lot of fun until a few people got killed an the U.S. outlawed them? The Woopy is kind of like that except that it hasn’t been made illegal yet. It’s part balloon, part paraglider, and it’s designed to extend jumps and ease landings. What about a big gust of wind that rips you off the top of the mountain? Well, there are a few bugs to work out. Don’t expect resorts to be renting these things anytime soon.

via GetOutdoors

You know that lady who threw her iPhone at the bear? Seems silly and petty after reading about Hugh Glass. In 1823 Glass was on a fur trapping expedition when he surprised a mother Grizzly and her two cubs. The bear attacked, and Glass fought back with his knife. He woke up to find that his companions had covered him with a shroud, taken his gear, and left him as dead.

Glass then set his own broken leg, and thinking it too unsafe to follow the Grand River due to Native Americans in the area, he crawled overland for 6-weeks to the Cheyenne River. On the way he stopped to let maggots eat the dead flesh off his leg to prevent gangrene. Rough. At the Cheyenne River he fashioned a crude craft and floated downriver to Fort Kiowa, 200 miles from where he’d been left.

There was a 1971 movie made about his overland trek to the fort, but I’m not sure if it covers what he said to his friends who’d left him for dead. That would have pretty awkward all around.

The NY Times is running an article on Ultramatathoners who opt for permanent toenail removal so they don’t have to deal with the hassle during the race and the pain after running. Their toes look like a bunch of little Jimmy Dean sausages, though their toes are probably more nutritious to eat.

Ultramarathoners, who number more than 17,000 nationwide, according to UltraRunning magazine - “appear crazy sometimes, but they are great strategists,” said Dr. Robert M. Conenello, a sports podiatrist who tended to contestants of a multiday race in the Sahara. “A lot of them look at their toenails as useless appendages, remnants of claws from evolutionary times long ago. I’ve heard them say, ‘Toenails are dead weight.’ “

If I ever say something about my nails weighing too much, throw a straight jacket on me as fast as you can.

Jesse Graves does this mud graffiti that he calls “environmentally friendly street art.” His website shows you how to be a questionably legal stencil artist. Good luck convincing city cops you’re using mud and not feces. Jesse mostly practices his art in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. What, no Packers stencil? I’m partial to these bottled water stencils, they remind me of my moral superiority.

via Wend