Soft, plush, airy toilet paper is the new social pariah. It’ll replace bottled water and bump Hummer further into the background. According to The New York Times, the softness of all the extra-soft toilet paper brands is derived from using virgin trees, and the especially plush stuff has to be made from old growth California Redwoods (I made that last part up). Recycled fibers are shorter and can’t be adequately fluffed up to the point where we’ll actually enjoy wiping. As with Hummers and bottled water, the rest of the world will have an easy time blaming the U.S. for this one as other civilized nations mostly use newspapers and cheese wrappers for toilet paper. I suppose it’s time that we come to terms with the idea that the American way of life might not be the best for the environment.

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