Members of the ultrarich Yellowstone Club gathered at their usual booth in the local Pizza Pizzazz last Thursday after the bank foreclosed on their clubhouse.

Under an ad hoc banner made from a leftover ream of computer paper with “The Yellowstone Club 2” crowding the paper from right to left, the group that includes the computer magnate Bill Gates, former Vice President Dan Quayle, and renegade cycling racer Greg LeMond came to order.

The scrappy group was cast out of their community center on November 13^th after an audit revealed that The Yellowstone Club’s management owed more than $399 million, or about $56 million more than previously thought. Though the total assets of the club are estimated at nearly $600 million dollars, a group claiming to represent more than 100 of the 340 members decided to settle the argument in a ski race pairing 4% stakeholder Greg LeMond against club co-founder Edra Blixseth.

In spite of losing the toe piece off his right binding at the top of the run, LeMond led most of the race until crashing at his ex-girlfriend’s feet. LeMond said he, “Wasn’t sure what could have happened to his binding,” but later reported seeing the perfectly coiffed shock of blond hair that’s a trademark of Edra Blixseth’s snooty ski patroller boyfriend bobbing in the area his heated locker in their club’s mahogany-paneled locker room where his skis are kept.

The group’s enthusiasm reached a low point when Quayle pointed out that Blixseth, whose net worth is estimated to be $1.2 billion by Forbes magazine, is “a total bitch who announced plans to bulldoze their community building” and replace it with a $155 million, 52,000sq ft private home called The Pinnacle, which would feature a private ski lift with a chair “coming straight out of the living room” and an indoor/outdoor pool with a retractable, remote-controlled glass wall.

Raising the $4.45 million necessary to open the Yellowstone Club for this winter currently rest on the shaky shoulders of a plan for LeMond to connect with his enemy’s ex-girlfriend Sheryl Crow and convince her to host a bitchin’ concert to raise the money.

Quayle stepped in when the issue of a venue for the concert was raised. He pulled a filched copy of the key for the Club’s great room, which is upholstered in $1.2 million dollars of wool carpet imported from New Zealand and lit with horn chandlers from the heads of thousands of elk.

While Quayle pointed out that they’d only be able to raise roughly $1 million from a Sheryl Crow concert, Gates claimed he could raise the rest of the cash by standing outside the bathroom door charging, “One dollar for a number-one and $3 for a number-two.” Gates is also reportedly hard at work drawing a poster for the concert, which he and Quayle will post around the 14,300-acre gated community.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, November 18th, 2008 at 9:35 am and is filed under Skiing, Story. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.