The odds of keeping a resolution are staggeringly stacked against you. But people think they can beat long odds and gyms have the membership rosters to prove it. If I resolve to do anything this year it’s to grow a really good mustache. When I was in college I told my old boss Bob Sass at Midwest Mountaineering that I wasn’t even sure I could grow a mustache. He laughed and suggested that I was a “Major hair producer,” and likely, “wouldn’t have a problem.” He was totally right. I’m not going to put a timeframe on this “really good mustache” because that would be setting myself up for possible failure. I’m just saying I’ll do it “sometime in 2008.” Maybe I’ll sponsor a contest and send the winner some free garbage vendors have sent me. I’ll keep you posted.

Squirrels are the new mountain lions. These beasts are coming out of the trees and attacking humans—and now they’ve developed snake camo. They smear themselves with snakeskin to mask their scent and avoid getting eaten by snakes. If this “snake charming” works then the squirrel population will go unchecked for too long. When the squirrel count swells the animals will begin attacking humans in packs. We’ll all have to start carrying bb gun sidearms and wearing protective fencing masks when we walk outside.

via Neatorama

The Fit Fur Life Doggy Treadmill is slightly less cruel than tying your dog to the car’s bumper and driving around to get the animal some exercise. The consequences are just as grave if you go out to eat burgers for six hours and forget the animal is tied to the treadmill, but at least cleanup won’t be as bad and your neighbors won’t see you drag the dog corpse down the street. The Fit Fur Life Doggy Treadmill costs about $1200, but it’ll pay itself off in your laziness.

via Gizmodo [Neatorama]

The Alu Sled features a shock absorbing system designed to save your ass from getting hammered on the ride down the hill. It’s not hard to imagine the shock system acting as a spring-loaded seat to fire you into a tree. At $610 sledding has become an expensive sport to jump into, but at least you can turn this one unlike the stolen lunch trays you learned on.

via Uncrate

The Taiwanese have won the tolerable-solar-bike-light race, almost redeeming them for blowing it so horribly in the space race. This compact, 80g LED light runs for 8 hours on a full charge and only costs about $20 if you’re lucky enough to track one down. On sunny days you could conceivably never shut the thing off, though it would likely get stolen the moment you parked your bike outside the bar on New Years. Â

via Cycleiciousness